Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Coffee. . .pleeeeeease?

We all woke up early this morning and jumped into the day. I didn't get my usual exercise, shower, sit and drink coffee moments. Then my Inbox! Yikes! I got a LOT of email regarding my last post and yet not one of you left a comment! Clearly I know most of my readers personally.

I had a restless night filled with stone tools nomenclature and random japanese phrases ("Sugoi!") mixed in with thinking about this book I am reading and what I wrote yesterday. Let my attempt to clarify. I wrote about how hard it is to have people in my house. I don't really mean people in general, in fact, I love a full and bustling house. What I am very uncomfortable with is "unaccompanied minors." I have so much trouble being responsible for other people's children. This book has helped me realize that it is because I have not made an attachment commitment to them. I have to admit, I don't really want to. I feel like I have so much invested in my relationship with Evie that I cannot and do not want to attach to other children in that same way because I just don't have the mental/physical capacity to do so. When their parents are here I don't have to be in that relationship with them. This is not to say I don't like any other kids! I adore so many of Evie's friends and I really get a lot out of knowing them. I want our house to be the one kids come to when they are 13 knowing that they can talk to us. In order to ensure that Evie and I maintain our attachment as she does venture further into the world I need to make more of an effort to cultivate attachments within her peer group (and the parents of her peers). So, I am going to "suck it up," be more present, more involved and more proactive.

It is late afternoon now, I have had lots of coffee, the snow is melting outside and it smells like Spring. Good things are in the works.

No comments: